


Change is always difficult.

by Classically_Malicious



Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Freakytits - Freeform, Joan Ferguson - Freeform, Vera Bennett - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-10 21:21:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5601433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Classically_Malicious/pseuds/Classically_Malicious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joan made a critical decision at their dinner.<br/>Could it be fixed?<br/>Or has she lost her only Ally?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Change.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic ever written, so be nice. I'm an avid Freakytits fan. I love Pam and Kate. This Fandom has given so many wonderful fanfics, I wanted to return the favor. I'm not experienced in writing fanfic, but I am an experienced writer. So please excuse if my methods are different.

Joans left hand rubbed the black cloth, after awkwardly moving it from Veras hand. The hand she softly rubbed with her thumb, the hand that gave her tingles in her gut. So many thoughts ran through her head, looking down as her Deputy glared at her. Was this her fault? No! She did what she had to do. It was a calculated risk, but furthermore actions would have been questioned. The side of her lip twitched in anger as she watched Vera out of the corner of her eye, the petite woman slightly slammed the door behind her.

The Russian twinged at the shut of the door, twitch of her lip, knowing it was done. Knowing what has been done, can't be redone. It was over. They were over.

She looked over table, two plates full of food, wine glasses half empty. Pinot Noir stood in between the full plates. Neither able to eat. She tried to recap what had just happened, but she couldn't wrap her head around it all. She brought Vera here to tell her what the brunette meant to her, yet other secrets were uncovered. Vera was tainted, infected.

She had Hepatitis C.

Was it Joans fault? Possibly, or could have it have been an accidental stab? The doors were open. Not by her choice, though. She couldn't have opened them, and Vera didn't understand that. She would one day, when she is put in a difficult position. It isn't being easy being the one to make decisions that no one else can make, being the bad guy.

Joan still sat in the chair, dumbfounded of what happened. Unable to move, as if frozen in time. She took a sip of the complementary wine the brunette brought with her. Then took a generous gulp, hoping to numb the pain..just a little bit.

This didn't turn out like she wanted. It turned out completely opposite. She lost her only ally, her protege, her friend. That bond was now diminished. She cocked her head to the side, trying to calculate her next move. Where did she go from here? This couldn't be the end. This couldn't be over.

No.

Would this change how Joan looked at Vera? How she admired the younger woman. Would it change the way she watched her sway when she walked, the twitch of emotions readable on the brunettes face. Would it change the tingle in her fingers, flutter in her stomach when Vera was around? Joans fear of germs, her OCD to have everything clean and in order. This would disrupt things, make it contaminated, make it tainted.

But it didn't change her thoughts. She still felt the flutters in her stomach as Veras face faded in her thoughts. The tingles she felt shoot through her fingers as her her hands lay on the cold, fragile hands of the petite woman. How her deputys fingers felt under the caress of her thumb. It made her feel things she never felt before. 

Yet now, seeing her face hurt her. She felt emotion, despite what others thought. She just didn't know how to show them, express them, or even how to feel them. She hated feelings. She hated the fact that she hurt Vera with her own compulsive fear. Although it wasn't just fear, it was guilt. Knowing her actions caused Vera to be infected, something that will never change. Something Vera will never forgive her for. Something she would never forgive herself for.

Joan stood, placing the black cloth on the table, looking over the filled dishes. In a swift movement, rage in her eyes, her veins, she took the two plates and threw them in the sink. The sound of the glass shattering echoed through the empty walls.

Standing with her right hand on the sink, left on her hip, she took in a sharp breath. Her chest heaved in and out. Emotions were overwhelming to her, not knowing how to control them. She hated hated emotions. 

long, beautiful,black tresses with silver lining, lay on Joans shoulders. She had to fix this, she needed to fix this. Straightening her composure, she began to walk towards the door, grabbing the keys out of their glass container, that always awaited them. No coat, not even thinking, Joan walked out of the front door, closing it behind her. She made her way to her car.

She had to see Vera, no matter what would happen. 

********

Vera made it in her door way, shutting it behind her. Leaning her back against the door, she took a deep breath, trying to gather herself, but she couldn't. She started to breath heavy, mouth slightly open. Tears glistened in her eyes as she began to cry to herself.

What an idiot she was, thinking that Joan even cared. What an idiot she was for even going to Joans place and confessing her condition. She was nothing but a contamination to Joan. What made her think Joan would look at her any different? Treat her any different?

She couldn't catch her breath, bringing her thin hands to her chest, tears forcibly making their way down her delicate skin. Her body folded, sliding down the door, knees now against her chest. She brought her hands up to her hand, elbows on her knees and just cried. She mourned what she had with Joan, what she thought She had with Joan.

There was nothing there. It was all in her head. The drinks, the slight niceness and special treatment. The in depth knowledge she had with Joan, dinner. It all flooded through her head like a tornado. How dumb could she be? Thinking that she actually meant something to Joan. She was merely a pawn to Joan. She was molded, fitted to be what the Governor wanted. She was made into what Joan wanted. She was hers.

All she wanted was to be accepted, to be accepted as she was. To be loved. And Now that would never happen. She would never feel that larger hand upon hers again. Oh, how it felt when that warm thumb grazed gently upon hers. She would never feel again. She would never feel her own lips against Joans thin lips that beckoned her. She shook her head, gripping her hair, crying uncontrollably. She was hurt, angry, embarrassed, ashamed. She was contaminated. Shunned. Out casted. Forever alone. She felt powerless, it was out of her hands. She took her hands, bulging into fists as she slammed them against he cold wooden floor. The pain that stung the sides of her hand felt good. 

She needed the pain in her to stop. She needed to stop thinking about Joan. How she was humiliated, rejected and pushed aside as if she was trash. Without thought, or hesitation. She should have known, after all the things Joan made her do, how she enabled Joan, stood by her no matter what. She nearly worshiped the ground she walked on. Pleased and proud to be made for Joan. But now she was nothing to her.

Minutes passed, seemed like hours, sulking in the pain she was swimming in. She heard a door shut, foot steps walking. Oh god. Who was it? Joan? Please no. She couldn't take anymore pain. The panther was here to finish its prey. 

Slow standing, she straightened her shirt, shifted her jeans to comfortably lay on her petite hips. She needed to look as though nothing was wrong. Last thing she needed was someone prying into her frail mind. 

One hand on the doorway, other on the handle, she opened the door slightly. She stood in shock, catching her breath. Mouth slightly open. She couldn't do this, she couldn't hand this. The sting was coming, and it felt as though she couldn't catch her breath again.

“Well, Are you going to at least let me in? It is quite cold out here.” Joan spoke sternly. Emotionless.


	2. Realization.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said before, I'm new to fanfic, although I'm not new to writing. So my methods are different. Please let me know what you think, and if you want more.

Vera stood at the door breathlessly. Door still creaked open, she looked through the slit in the door. There Joan stood, beautiful, tall, and those damn lips of hers. She could tell that Joan was freezing.

Her heart started to pound against her chest. Pain filling her stomach. She physically couldn't take anymore. Looking upon the woman she cared so deeply for, that shunned her. She wanted to reach out to her, yet the pain of knowing what would come slowly killed her inside.

“I don't think that is a good idea, Miss Ferguson.” She spoke sternly, Cold.

She tried to keep all emotions from revealing themselves on her face. But Joan could always read her like a book. Joan could see the pain in her eyes, the tear stains on those delicate cheeks.

“May I come in?” It was said as a question, but Vera new better. She knew that it wasn't. It was a demand. She wanted to fight against it, tell her to just go the hell away, but she couldn't. Everything in her wanted to just scream at her, yet she felt as though she was forced to comply, wanting to comply.

Vera took a sharp breath, and opened the door fully, allowing the Governor to enter her home. Joan grinned with delight. Pleased her deputy did as she was told. 

As the tall woman walked herself in, Vera listened to the sound of her heels clanking against the hard floor. She couldn't help but to close her eyes as a small wiff of Joans hair filled her nose. How beautiful she smelled. And for a slight moment, she was taken away, amazed at the gracefulness, and the beauty of Joan. In awe of her scent that beckoned the younger woman.

Then the pain started to creep up again. It was all in her head and she was only torturing herself. She needed to let those feelings for Ferguson go. But she couldn't. She was attached, she was created and molded for her. 

Vera closed the door behind Joan, as she slid off her own shoes by the door. 

“Why are you here?” Vera said coldly.

She couldn't forget what Joan did to her, how it hurt her. She wasn't going to let her emotions cloud her judgment. That is what she was taught. Emotions are weakness. The Governor taught her everything she knew, made her who she was today, yet it was Joan who made her weak.

Joan turned on her heel, looking in the direction of the kitchen. “May I?” She gestured.

Vera simply nodded.

Joan walked to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of wine Vera had stashed in the fridge. 

The Fridge was empty, Vera didn't do much shopping. The house was empty and quiet now that Rita was gone. There was something different in the air. 

Joan poured to glasses of red wine, walking over to the couch, handing one to Vera.

Vera was in shock. First, Joan rejects her, then she shows up at her house, pouring wine. Acting as though everything was okay? She couldn't handle the rollorcoaster emotions. Either she had Joan or she didn't. She couldn't handle this. If she caved in, sat with her and it ended as though it did hours earlier, it would kill the brunette inside.

Yet she couldn't help herself. She felt powerless and lost without the tall, black haired woman. She felt like she needed her to breath, to stay a float. She was beckoned to her, a force stronger then herself, pulled her towards the woman. But her heart couldn't handle the back and forth.

“Joan, answer me.” She coughed, squeaked a little. “Why are you here?” Joan could hear the pain in her voice, see the anguish in her eyes.

Joan shifted on the sofa to comfort herself in silence before taking a sip of wine. She could just outright say, she needed her, that she needed to be near her. That she wanted her more then a friend, more then to mentor her. Yet, all she did was hurt her deputy. Without thought, without trying, she severely hurt the one thing that meant the most to her. She didn't know what to say. 

“Dinner took an unexpected turn...for the worst tonight, Vera.”

“You don't say.” Vere shot back.

“It shouldn't have ended the way it did.” Joan took another sip of her wine, before patting the seat next to her. “Please sit with me.”

Shock struck Veras face, lips slightly parted. Pain in her gut made her want to fall to her knees, but she didn't.

“I can't go back and forth with you Joan. You humiliated me, You rejected me.” She said, her lips curling into a frown, trying to withhold her burning eyes. “You casted me out, after you manipulated and molded me into what you wanted.”

Joan just nodded, knowing it was the truth.

Vera finally complied and sat down, taking a generous gulp of the wine. 

“How could you?” She said, referencing to more then one occasion. “It is me, Joan!” She said as her tears curved out of her eyes. “You couldn't open the doors for me? Then you reject me because of something that happened, due to you neglecting me when I needed you the most?” She spat with anger. 

Vera sat up straight, wiping her tears, looking at Joan. “Nothing to say?” She said coldly, trying to wipe the emotions from her face.

Joan moved one hand forward, putting her right palm on Veras face, wine in her left. The feeling of the warmth under her palm made Joan ache inside for Vera. She had no words for her transgressions and the problems that she caused. She was lost when it came to comforting, or saying sorry. She had no idea how to express her feelings.

Vera closed her eyes, letting her face fall into the palm of her mentors hand, needing her touch, the feel of her cold fingers against her face. A small gasp escaped through the small slit of her parted lips. 

Then the Brunette came to reality, moved her face up, lips trembling. Joan glided her hand down to Veras, running her fingers over the petite womans warm fingers that lay on her lap. She trailed her fingers over the top of Veras hand before moving her own hand under her deputys, bringing into her own. Holding it tightly.

“Aren't you afraid you might be contaminated?” Vera spoke condescendingly. Yet she loved the feeling of the womans hands on hers. Oh, god. The things Joan did to her, the feelings that ached within her. She let the tip of her fingers fold around the palm of Joans hands.

“Vera,” Joan cleared her throat, trying to find the right words. “I'm not good at saying sorry, or showing emotions. I'm not good at comforting, and i'm sorry for that. But I do.....I do regret what happened tonight.”

Vera gripped Joans hand tightly, conflicted on what to do. Her emotions were backwards. She felt hate, anger, love all at the same time. She looked into Joans eyes, making sure this was understood, as her hand gripped tightly, nails digging into Joans hand.

“I despise you." She paused, letting the words linger for a moment. " What you did to me, it was unforgivable. You abandoned me, neglected me, then rejected me. You acted as though it was my fault I have...” She trailed off, not even wanting to say it. “I wouldn't have this if you would have just opened the bloody door, yet you have the nerve to out cast me because of it?” She leaned in closer, her words were venum. “I hate you, Joan Ferguson. I fucking hate you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should this be continued?


	3. Confessions.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joan Confesses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is Freakytits. Like I said, I have different type of method when it comes to writing. I feel as though the two has shit they need to work on. This is just my point of view. This is my first fanfic, please be nice. Let me know if you enjoy it.

The words spoken stung deep into Joans gut, a well deserved pain that hurt more then words could express. She felt the grip on her hand, nails digging in deep. She could see the anguish in Veras face, as the petite woman grew closer, spitting venom in her words. Those little hands were shaking in her own, nails digging deeper.

“I know.” A simple recognition. There was no reason to protest, to fight against it, when it was the truth. 

Joan looked down from the deep blue eyes staring before her, pain in her eyes. It was burning a hole in Joans soul. She wanted to heal that pain, but didn't know how. God, if only she was good at showing her emotion, but she wasn't. 

The Russian gripped Veras hand firmly back, trying to find the right words. Her mouth just moving with out a sound, lips slightly parted. Her one talent was wordplay, yet she found herself dumbfounded.

“I-I-I'm sorry. I know that isn't enough, and it can't change what I have done, but I am sorry.” She looked back up, those blue eyes still piercing through her. 

“Sorry?” Vera spat mockingly. “You're sorry? You? I didn't know you knew what that was, or how it felt. Do you feel sorry?” Veras head tilted, lips trembling. “Or, are you just saying it because you think it is the right thing to say? Are you just mimicking because you honestly feel nothing, and you think that is what you are supposed to say? As if it would make everything better?”

Joan tilted her head to the other side, again, trying to find the right words. This was a delicate moment, and she couldn't lose this.

“I do feel something, I feel a lot, Vera.” The Governor spoke, looking back into the blue sea hues that begged before her, needing some kind answers.

“As I tried to tell you before, I do care for you. I have always wanted to be more then a mentor to you. I have cared deeply for you, for some time. You are more then just a coworker, or my deputy. You are more then just one who studies me.”

This is what Vera wanted to hear, to hear that Joan cared for her. She ached for it, pleaded for it. Yet, when she heard her Governor say it, she didn't get those butterflies in her stomach. They were suppressed by pain and confusion. 

“You have cared for me for some time now? You cared about me when you refused to open the door when they had a needle to my throat?” Vera demanded.

“Yes.” 

“Did you care for me when you quickly moved your hand for mine...in fear that you might be contaminated?”

“Yes.”

Vera couldn't wrap her head around it. If she was cared for so much, they why was she neglected, rejected, and cast out? The brunette moved her right hand slightly and loosened the hand, bringing it up slowly. Contemplating her next move, she swiftly moved it up, curling her fingers into a fist. Closing her eyes, she released her fingers, stretching them out, feeling the blood flow to her finger tips. 

The deputys arm extended, fingers stretched out, slapping Joan across the face. Hard. Feeling the sting that her Governors skin left upon hers. She heard the marvelous sound of the slap, in a daze, she brought her hand down.

Joans face was forcefully pushed to the side, feeling the pain of her deputy slapping her across the face. Her right cheek burned, flushed red. Anger burned inside of her, but she controlled it.

Vera released her left hand, removing her digging nails, as she she stood. She began to pace, right hand on her hip, left on her mouth. Not able to withstand the burning tears that dripped from her eyes, onto her delicate cheeks.

“If you cared so much about me, then why the hell did you refuse to open the damn door? If you cared for me more then just a coworker, then why the fuck did you move your hand off mine as if my mere skin would hurt you?” 

Vera spoke in a heated rage, voice raised.

“Do you know what you have done to me? I'm forever branded. I'm forever tainted. A danger to everyone.” She turned, wiping the tears form her eyes. “I'll never be loved. No one will ever love me, knowing this. I'm a danger to everyone, I'm a danger to you!”

Joan kept her composure, shoulders stood tall, black hair fell over her shoulders. She was a beauty.

“I couldn't open the door, Vera. I couldn't give into the demands of prisoners. There is no negotiating with them, you know that!”

She stood up, straightening her red shirt, brushing her hair behind her ears. Standing tall, she placed her hand upon her own hips.

“If they smell weakness, they go for it. The pack will pick us off one by one. If they knew that you were my weakness, you would forever have a target on your back when you walked the halls of Wentworth. Anyone who would want to hurt me, would hurt you to get to me.”

Joans arms formed across her chest, crossing them. She took a sharp breath in, walking closer to the younger woman, desperately wanting to heal her pain, to heal her.

“If I would have given in because you were on the line, then they would know.”

“Know what?” Vera backed away, but not far enough.

“Know that I have intimate feelings towards you.”

Vera put one hand over her mouth, trying to stop the sobs as tears forcefully fell again. Crossing her arm over her stomach, she felt a jolt of pain that fell through her. She wasn't able to catch her breath, it hurt so much. Yet, she felt so much love for the woman before her.

There was a moment of silence, as Vera took what was said to her in, trying to process it. Joan felt romantic feelings towards her? How could this be? She let the words of the one she loved bounce around in her head, finding logic in it, yet hating that it made since.

Vera started to fall to her knees as Joan moved swiftly, slightly gripping her deputys shoulders. Holding her as she fell to the ground.

“You would never be safe, Vera.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed, let me know what you think. Leave kudos and comments, and share if you really like. :)


	4. Mending.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, Summary for this chapter? Well you will have to read to find out. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe i'm still writing this story, and how it has come alive to me and to others. I hope you enjoy the freakytits. Let me know if you want me to continue writing.. :)

Joan whispered those words softly into Veras ears, as the smaller ones head fell to Joans chest, weeping. Veras hand still trying to cover the sounds as she gripped at her own stomach. The pain of knowing, she was going to have to deal with this sickness for the rest of her life, and it wasn't Joans fault. It was the prisoners fault. Maybe it was an accidental stick, since the doors were open, or revenge on the deputy. 

Veras body fell to the floor, Joans body fell with her, wrapping her arms around the petite woman, engulfing her, moving a hand to the rested head, holding her tight.

“Shh...shhh...Shhhh.. Now.” Joan whispered, as her chin placed upon Veras head. “It's okay, I'm here now.”

“You weren't there before.” Vera slightly cried out.

“I know.”

“You rejected me. You pulled your hand away, yet you are holding me now. I don't understand.” 

Joan could hear the pain in Veras voice, the desperation of needing answers, needing closure, needing to be loved.

“It caught me by surprise. This whole time you have bared this disease and I never knew. I told you, I'm not good with emotions and I seem to always show them in the wrong way.” She whispered, softly stroking the chestnut hair. Running her fingers delicately through the beautiful brown curls.

“I felt hurt that you didn't tell me. I felt guilt, knowing there was nothing I could do then or now. Remembering the look on your face on the CCTV broke me on the inside, just as it did the say I stood there watching you. When you took that punch to the gut, it made my own gut hurt. Seeing that needle against your neck, it scared the living shit out of me. Not knowing what was in it, if I was going to lose you that day.”

Joan spoke softly, taking a deep breath, her eyes glistened with tears, she was desperately trying to hold back, but was unable to. Vera broke walls inside of Joan, walls that she spent years building.

“I'm a danger to you now.” Vera spoke hopelessly. “I wish you would have told me before, maybe then...things would be different.”

Joan lifted her head a little and looked down at the cradling woman below her, in the fetal position in her arms.

“You are no danger to me, Vera. I can take care of myself.” 

“If something happened, and you got this, I would never forgive myself.”

“If something happened, I assure you, I can handle myself.” Joan spoke sweetly, kissing the top of Veras head. She felt a shuffle beneath her, as she watched the younger woman lift her head. Joan moved her right palm up, cupping her deputys face. Her left still holding the smaller woman tightly. 

They looked into each others eyes for a few moments.

Vera felt terrified, relieved, loved, and so many other emotions she didn't know how to handle. She didn't know what this meant, what Joan was confessing. 

To Veras shock, the taller woman leaned in, embracing her lips. It was chaste for a moment, confused and shocked, but the love she had for this woman over rid all of it. Her body sunk into Joans, closing her eyes, she kissed her back. Deeply.

Joan moved her thin, cold lips over veras, tracing her tongue over the edge of the younger womans lower lip. That damn lip. It made her weak to her knees. She pressed her lips harder against Veras, letting her know she wanted her, that she did love her. 

Vera melted, feeling Joans lips against her own. Feeling Joans hot, moist tongue against her lip made her ache in deep within. She complied, giving in, her lips parted as Ferguson's warm tongue glide against her lip, wanting entrance. She let out a slight, uncontrollable moan as her Governors tongue slid inside her mouth.

Their tongues danced for minutes. Vera moved her hand around Joans shoulders, pulling herself into the taller woman. Never did she think this would happen, that what she most desired would really happen. Even if it was just a kiss. She was in the arms of Joan Ferguson, lips locked together.

Joan loved the way her deputy tasted, loved the feeling of her tongue exploring every part of Veras mouth. She felt a tingle beneath her, she twitched her legs to control it. Now is not the time to push. God, she tasted so good. It made more then her heart melt, it made her melt inside, and deep between her legs.

Vera moved her hand that was wrapped around Joans neck, to her nape, pulling her in more. Needing to feel her more, needing to know she was wanted and loved. That she wasn't out casted, and unable to be loved in such ways. Tingles shot through her body, waves of pure pleasure rushed in her veins as their lips smacked together with such synchronized movements. She pushed her own tongue into her loves mouth, wanting to taste all of her, let their tongues fight for control. The brunette twitched her hips trying to control the pulsing waves beneath her.

Joan let her hand release off the younger woman's back slightly, just to run it over her back, wanting to feel all of her. She ran her fingers down Veras small frame, tracing her fingertips against the warm, delicate skin of her mid-drift. Her nails finally dug in as she felt Veras tongue glide in her mouth. She let out a soft pant, gripping her deputys face as she passionately kissed her.

This was wanted and needed by both of the broken women. They needed each other to mend them, to piece each other back together. Their bodies moved together, gripping each other. Running their free hands over one another, needing to feel everything.

After a few minutes of deep, passionate kissing, Joan broke the kiss, not moving, only a breath apart. She looked deep into those blue pearly eyes before speaking.

“Don't fear that you will never be loved.” She took a breath, smile creeping up on the edges of her lips.

“You are already loved.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do hope you enjoyed my writing, I know it is different. Let me know what you think, and if I should continue writing this story or not. :) Of course, comment, give me some kudos and share if you really like it.


	5. Choices.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will they do now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little fluff, maybe some more. xD Keep reading to find out. Their story isn't over yet. I'm sorry if this sucked, I just have the feeling that it did. The next chapter or two will be better...if it is wanted of course.

Vera looked up into Joans chocolate hues, not believing what she was hearing, what was happening before her eyes. The taste of her governor still lingered on her lips. The feeling of being wrapped in Joans arms created goosebumps that traveled throughout her body. Her breath was heavy, hard to catch. Looking into Joans eyes, trying to catch the breath this woman took away, she tried to collect herself.

“It isn't 'not being loved', I'm worried about, Joan. It's not being loved by you, that I fear the most.”

Joan concentrated on her deputys face as she listened to the words that were spoken. She was captivated by Veras face. The nervous twitch of her lips, the crinkle in beside her eyes, the tender yet sternness in those words. Her heart dropped, scooping Vera tighter in her arms, she just smiled. Gently cupping her deputys face, she grazed her thumb gently over the tear stains.

“Oh, Vera, Vera, Vera...” Joan spoke softly, trailing off as she lost herself in those blue eyes begging to be loved. Loved by her. 

“Don't fret. I do love you. I brought you to dinner to tell you, but I always seem to screw things up.”

“Yes, you do.”

The next kiss was surprisingly initiated by Vera, her lips timid but firm. Her lips connected with her governors sweet, thin lips, that she desired for so long. Too long. 

Joan was surprised at the initiation of the younger woman, but pleased. She found her self embracing that lower lip, that damn lip. Something about it made her weak all over. Their lips met, fitting like a perfect puzzle piece, Joan pulling Veras lower lip in between her own, gently sucking on it. Her tongue trailing over it, taking in the taste and feel of it all. She loved the way her little mouse tasted, and couldn't get enough. That warm, moist tongue, pushed through those supple lips once more, finding Veras soft tongue. With pleasure, her tongue was eagerly waiting for Fergusons, needing to drink in every bit of her.

The kiss became more passionate, more heated. Their tongues fighting for dominance, their hands gripping one another. A slight moan escaped Veras lips as they caught their breath, before their lips met once more. For a moment, she felt shy, but it felt right. 

Joan drank her in, needing more of her. She ran her right hand down the younger womans back once more, moving her fingers against the smooth skin before moving it under Veras tight shirt, her nails trailing towards the bra teasingly. Veras head slightly went backwards, letting out a pant of pleasure, feeling those fingertips trail up her back. The pleasure Joan gave her was like nothing she felt. They were just kissing, merely exploring each other slowly, yet she felt herself overwhelmed with arousal. 

Not even Fletch gave her these feelings, these desires. Vera was inexperienced in the department of sexual aspects. She gave herself away once before, but it was the worst experience one could have. She was used and thrown away. 

Joan moved her left hand that was cupping the younger womans face, down the smaller frame, slowly pushing Vera backwards. Slowly laying her deputy on the floor beneath them, she ran her fingers slowly up the brunettes shirt, leaning in and kissing the warm exposed flesh. Joan needed her now. 

Vera complied, as her body lay on the wooden floor, looking up at her governor placing kisses on her stomach. Oh god, this is what she wanted, needed. She had dreamed of this, desired it for so long. Yet her paranoia started to take its course. She began to lightly shake, not sure what to do. Would she be cast aside due to her disease? The last time she allowed herself to be taken in this way, she was used. Joan wouldn't do that, would she? Would she change her mind about loving Vera once it settled in that she had this horrible condition? 

Veras eyes started to glisten with tears. She enjoyed this so much, and wanted it so badly, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to go that far just yet. She wanted her governor, she wanted her now, needed every bit of her. Although she was too scared of what might come after. What Joan would think of her. What if Joan was disgusted in the middle, and left? Vera couldn't get these thoughts out of her head.

Joan looked up, placing one more butterfly kiss as she made her way towards Veras broken face. Cupping one cheek, she spoke softly.

“Whats wrong?” 

Joan then started to think her advancements wasn't wanted, she pushed to far. She took more then she was given. She gently pulled the younger woman up, scared to look into her eyes. 

“I-I-I'm sorry Vera, I shouldn't have—” She was cut off by a tender touch to her lips by one of Veras fingers. 

“Shh...” She said, with a sweet smile, finding Joans eyes. A tear escaped the her eyes.

“Don't apologize, Joan. It is...very much wanted.” She said with a shy smile. “I'm just, well i'm very inexperienced when it comes to this. I-um-,” She trailed off, embarrassed to explain her reasoning. “I have only done this once...well it was attempted once before that...with the same person. I couldn't because it, well it hurt too much. I guess I wasn't.....wet enough. And afterwards...” She looked down, feeling highly embarrassed. Her cheeks turned bright red. Joan stopped her, gently placing a her hand under Veras small chin, bringing it up towards her. 

“Look at me.” She demanded softly. Pleased once her deputy complied. “You don't have to explain. I'm not going to make you do something you do not want to do, Vera.”

“It's not that, I do want to, with you.” She paused, taking a breath, trying to find the right words.

“What if you change your mind afterwards? Once it settles in that i'm a danger...a contaminated problem? You only found out tonight, what if your feelings change for me? And then you don't want me anymore?”

Joan wasn't good at expressing her emotions, which is the reason they were in the position they were in. Every time she tried, she failed. She didn't want to fail Vera.

“My feelings will never change, my Vera.” She said sweetly, before moving to her feet. She extended her hand, lifting the younger woman up with her. She pulled Vera into her arms swiftly, letting her arms extend around the smaller frame. 

“We can take this slow, my dear.” She tried to comfort the younger woman, leaning in to kiss those supple lips once more, deeply. Giving out a slight moan as she felt those warm lips against hers. 

“I'll take my leave. I don't want to over extend my welcome.” She smiled softly, as she softly kissed Veras lips once more. Letting go of Vera, she took out the keys that made a place in her pocket. 

Vera had one arm wrapped around her own waist, other hand on her lips. Still tasting the governor, her touch still radiating through Veras body. “Wait.” She said, walking closer to her, gently yet firmly, gripping the older womans arms.

“Don't go. Stay.” She blurted out nervously, not sure if the older woman wanted to just leave and get away from her. 

Joan turned and smiled. “I'm not one to intrude.”

“You're not. If you can-, I mean if you want, will you stay with me tonight?” She stuttered a little bit, putting one hand at her side, other wrapped around her own stomach. Not sure what to say, nervous as hell. 

“I'd rather not be alone.” She confessed. “But, if you have other-” She was cut off, with a lift of Joans hand. 

“I'll stay.” She said with a sweet smile. “I'll sleep on the couch.” she spoke, putting her keys on the table next to the door. 

“Y-yo-you don't have to sleep on the couch. My, uh, my... The couch is quite small, I think you would be too long for it.” She let out a nervous chuckle. Vera loosened her grip, running her small hand up Joans arm slowly. “I'm sure my beds big enough for two.” She smiled.

They made their way up to Veras bedroom, both silently smiling. Vera found a night gown for Joan to wear, too short. It slightly tightens around those sexy thighs, not leaving much to the imagination. Vera looked up those thighs, glancing at her bum, noticing how well formed it was. Arousal was peeking once more.

She found her own gown. Climbed into the bed and pulled the cover down, gesturing for the tall, beautiful woman to crawl in with her. She felt shy, nervous but this all felt right. No one had ever been in her bed before, she has never slept next to anyone before. A smile formed across her lips as Joan crawled in. Oh man. The way her black hair flowed down her shoulders, silver lining glistening through. Slight dim yellow light peering through the window, allowing Vera to see the slight lip bite of Joan.

Joan slid under the covers, laying next to the smaller woman. She herself had never laid in the bed with someone before, nor has she slept next to someone. She moved next to the smaller frame that had already turned on her side. Not sure what to do, she turned on her side as well, facing the brunettes back. Without thought, she slowly wrapped her arm around Veras stomach and to her surprise, Vera shuffled backwards, pushing their bodies together as one. No space between them.

Vera lay, for the first time, feeling at peace. Feeling Joan Ferguson hold her, was a feeling words couldn't describe. 

“Joan,” Vera whispered lightly.

“Yes?” A voice near Veras ear whispered back.

“This doesn't fix everything.”

“I know.”

“I still hate you.”

“I know.

“I hate, hating you.”

There was silence, Joan moved her head behind Veras, nuzzling into her neck.

“It's okay.” Joan whispered. Kissing Veras neck slightly, she felt a twinge of guilt for what she has done.

They lay in a moment of silence, their bodies molded as one.

“I love you.” Vera whispered, running her hand over Joans, intertwining their fingers tightly, she pulled Joans hand up to her chest, holding it near her heart.

“I love you too.” Joan whispered, kissing the younger womans head, before kissing her shoulder. She nuzzled back into Veras neck, as they drifted off to sleep together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on the next chapter now. I wanted to post this so my small amount of readers would have something to read. ha. So tell me what you think...opinions...comment. Kudos.
> 
> And yes, there will be smut, but be patient my dears.


	6. Difficult decisions.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You will have to read to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might break this into two chapters, considering it is over 4k words. Sorry if there is grammatical Errors, I edited it while half asleep. So please don't judge, haha. I wrote one chapter, that turned out to be well worth 2 chapters. Things get very...heated between the two. The next two chapters are... Mmmfff You will just have to read to find out, won't ya? I'm sure it is what you all have been waiting for.

The next day went by rather quickly. Joan left early to gather her work clothes, as Vera prepared herself for the day. Not much was said, not much was needed to be said. Vera went about her day as normal, yet her stomach had been turning all day, thinking of the night before. She had butterflies, knots, fear, all these emotions that needed to be contained. Not at work. Walking the halls of Wentworth Correctional Centre, Vera had turned into someone different then she used to be. She grew more hard, more cold. She had lingering hatred that had balled itself deep within her. Not sure who to hate, or what to hate, just hating the fact of what she was cursed with now. She knew who did it, she knew who threw her up against that glass and stuck her with a needle, before locking her in the slot. Yet the brunette couldn't do a damn thing about it.

Vera was at her post, near the end of her shift. She was nervous. Just wanting to hide at work, she began to think of everything again. The way Joans lips tasted, the way her tall frame felt against hers, the way those skillful hands caressed her body. She closed her eyes at the sudden chills of arousal she got just thinking about it. Quickly coming to realization, she opened eyes within a blink. What good could come of this? Joan was a germ freak, and Vera was tainted. Joan would come to the realization of what Vera carries and she would just throw her aside. Vera knew Joan too well, she knew that she toyed with people, playing with their emotions, feeding off their weakness. Yet she saw a side of her governor last night, that she never saw before. She saw tenderness, kindness, love. She saw a romantic side of the freak she so dearly loved. She felt the taste of her lips, the scent of her hair, mmm...the way those larger hands took hold of her body. She felt the feeling of being held all night, in the arms of this monster. After Joan had fallen asleep, Vera turned over just to look at her. Noticing how she slightly snored, but not loudly, the way her hair fell into her face and her body went limp due to sleep. She couldn't help but to look over Joans body, the way the tight night gown gripped itself tight against the pale skin, how it curved in all the right places. She took in how Joans uniforms hid all the wonderful things about her. Her perky breasts that she wanted to just reach out and touch. The way her hips formed. She just stared for what seemed like hours.

The deputy couldn't believe that she had seen that side of the monster she knew Joan to be. The one she helped, kept secrets for and even enabled. She so badly wanted to love Joan, and take this farther, make something of it, but she didn't see it going far. Her sickness would one day kill her, and put others in the way of harm as long as she lived. She couldn't risk it. She couldn't risk getting hurt by Joan once more. She couldn't handle anymore lies. Vera didn't know if she could forgive what Joan did to her, neglecting her, but she hate the fact that there was reasoning behind it. She hated the fact that she couldn't hate her long because of it, knowing that, for Joan, it was the right thing to do. 

Veras mind was a cluster fuck, to say the least. Her train of thought was disrupted as she heard yelling among the inmates. Great, she couldn't handle this shit today. She was near her end. Especially with Juice, who she knew, stabbed her. 

“Stop!” She screamed, walking between Juice and newbie. Juice was making sexual advancements and comments. 'Disgusting pig' Vera thought to herself. “Gambaro, Take your advancements where they are wanted, ya? Leave the girl alone.” She said with a snide look in her eyes. 

“Yeah, Yeah.” Lucy said with a hand towel over her shoulder. “I'll catch you later.” She said, with a lick of her lips. 

“You alright?” She asked the new inmate, not really caring right now. “Yes, i'm fine.” “Good, carry on.” She said as she threw her hand up, gesturing towards the kitchen. Vera hated being on Kitchen duty. Her eyes caught the door, as she walked Joan Ferguson walk through the kitchen door. Every now and then, the Governor would patrol the halls, just to scare the inmates. She had no emotions on her face, her shoulders stood tall, proud. Vera couldn't help the way she strutted as she walked, with her well formed tight ass. Six feet of deliciousness that she wanted to eat up. 'Snap out of it.' Vera told herself. 'You know what you have to do.' Vera stood tall, hair slick back, tight bun, as the governor approached her. 

“Everything alright?” Joan asked, confidence in her stance.

“Yes, Guv'na. Just Gambaro trying to seduce one of the new ones.” Shuddered at the thought. She was nervous to look Joan in the eyes. “I have everything under control.” She said with a nod.

“Good. My office, end of your shift.” Joan said. This was not a question. This was a demand. Vera kind of liked it. She loved the roughness of Joan, the rowdiness of her. Vera bit her lip, “Yes, Guv'na.” She replied. She could feel her insides started to ache, pules rushed through her center. 'Vera, fucking stop it.' She said to herself. 'You can't do this to yourself.' And she couldn't, it would only make things worse. Joan nodded, and took her leave, brushing her pinky up against Veras hand as she left. Subtle, Joan gripped her pinky to let Vera know it wasn't on accident. The deputys heart started to flutter. She watched Joan walk out of the kitchen, unable to take her eyes of that sexy strut that turned her on so bad, the say of those hips and that ass. 'Mmff' she thought to herself before composing herself.  
* * *

At the end of her shift, she made her way to the break room. She walked with her head stood tall, heels clanking on the hard floor. Fletch was sitting at the table. Just looking at him made her sick to her stomach. She walked past with a nod, grabbing a plastic cup and filling it with water before she made her way to her locker. She opened it, putting her hands in, trying to hide pills she was popping out of their plastic casing. Pills she was forever going to have to take. Her stomach dropped again. Waves of depression seemed to come and go. She took the three different medications with a slip of her hand. Hoping no one would notice. She contemplated about going to Joans office, whether it was a good idea or not. Maybe she would just go home, and Joan would leave it at that. She knew that wasn't going to hold. Joan would just show up at her house. She couldn't do this, she couldn't go through this. She was about to do something she would never forgive herself for, just to protect herself, because it seems she always gets hurt. No matter what.

Not once has anything ever gone right for Vera. She grew up with a fucked up mother who always told her she wasn't she wasn't enough. She was never allowed friends, she was never allowed to grow up. She was manipulated into always staying home. She was hurt when fletch humiliated and degraded her, then turned around and and wam-bam, thank you m'am. Just another fuck, not caring how precious and amazing she was.Then told her to fuck off. Linda tried to be a friend, yet she fucked fletch and talked shit behind her back. The only good thing that happened is when she was given a special task by her governor and that ended up with a phone call saying she was disappointed in her. Not once, as anything good happened to her. She got the short end of the stick no mater what, always hurt, always broken. This time, she was going to protect herself, Because when it came to Joan, she wouldn't be able to physically nor mentally handle any more heart break with her.

Right before Vera went to place her walkey-talkey down, she heard that sexy voice call over it. “Siera 3, In my office, now. “ Joan didn't even need to make it clear that it was her. She picked it up to her mouth, with a quick slide of the button on the right, she replied. “Yes, Guv'na. I'll be right there.” She put it down in it's rightful place. Gripping her clear bag, blazer still on, belt hooked around her waist. She walked confident down the halls, perfect starched uniform.

Slightly knocking, she opened the door, closing it behind her. “Yes, Guv'na. You wanted to see me?” She said, walking to the center of the room where she normally stood, hands behind her back.

“Yes, I did.” Joan stood, straightening her blazer, pulling on the last button, making sure there was no wrinkles in it. She walked towards Vera, before turning and sitting on the desk. Vera couldn't help but to watch her, God she was sexy. The way her tight ass creased on the desk, her long legs outwards, her hair in a tight bun. Such a strong and powerful woman, yet she lowers her guard around Vera, it didn't go unnoticed. 

“My house tonight?” Joan spoke sweetly, the side only Vera got to see. “Let me make you dinner. I know last night-” She stopped, not knowing what she was going to say. “Let me make it up to you, yeah? I'll cook you what ever you like.” Joans heart was racing, knowing something was off.

“I don't think that is a good Idea, Guv'na.” She said professionally. Trying to stand tall, but ended up looking at the ground, not able to face Joan.

Joans heart stopped. “Do you have other plans? Maybe tomorrow?” She was now fishing.

“I-i um, I have plans tomorrow, guv'na.” She lied through her teeth and Joan knew it. She knew Vera had no social life, she was just making an excuse not to have dinner with her. 

“Well, maybe I can take you out instead, we can-” Joan was cut off by her deputy.

“I don't think it would be wise if we pursued anything, Guv'na” Her eyes burned, holding back tears. It wasn't a total lie, she just wanted to protect herself, but god she was so in love with Joan. 

“I see.” Joan said crossing her arms for a moment. “So we shall forget last night had happened?” Her words were cold piercing. That side of Joan that she got a glimpse of last night and today, wasn't there anymore. 

“I-I-I think-I think it would be for the best.” She stuttered out, trying to keep her composure hands behind her back. She dug her nails into her own hands. 

“Hmm, okay.” Joan said, as she stood up, six feet of a goddess. She spoke slowly, achingly yet firm. “You think, or you know Vera?”

“I-I-I know, Guv'na.”

“I see.” She said as she walked closer, Vera started to back up a bit. 

With a sudden intrusion, the door opened, her Linda was at the door. Fuck.

“Everyone is leaving, except for the night guards. Are you closing this section tonight?” Refering to the hallways that led up to her office, which were protected by several doors that needed a swipe card to enter. 

“Yes, Linda. I'll lock up once i'm done.” Joan gave her a piercing look, dismissing Linda with just her eyes. Joan had that way about her. She was stern, cold and sexy. They way she intimidated people, even herself sometimes, was a turn on. She got off on how Joan scared damn near anyone who approached her. As Linda walked out, Joan walked over to the door, flicking the light off to the outside hall. She pulled the blinds over the window that allowed her to see who was coming and going, before making her way back over to Vera.

Joan had a way about her that you just couldn't say no to. Vera wanted to jump her bones right then, but knew that it would just end up hurting her in the end. She was always hurt in the end. She was tired of being a doormat. 

Joan walked confidently to Vera, who still stood in the center of the room. “So last night, You didn't feel anything? Between us?”

Vera looked down a moment, thinking of the best like she could. “We were both emotional, tipsy. I think we let our emotions get the best of us. I think it would be wise if we didn't put ourselves in that position again, and kept our relationship strictly professional.” She coughed a little, the words literally burned coming out. The lies she just spoke, crushed her. 

Joan stood in front of her, tall and sexy, the way her uniform curved over the right spots, how it tightened over her ass. Mmfff Godd, Vera was so turned on. 'Stop!' She punished herself inside her head. Joan crossed her arms, stern look on her face.

“You didn't answer my question. Did you feel anything between us last night? I'm not going to ask again.” Her voice demanding and strong. A shock of pain entered her gut, through her heart. Making it hard for her to breath, but she kept her composure.

Vera knew that tone of voice, she knew that Joan was hurting on the inside. She couldn't break, and give it. It was best for them both. She was tainted, infected. She was going to die a slow and painful death, even if it was years down the line. She would one day grow sicker and just bring Joan down with her. That is if Joan didn't toss her away like Fletch did. He fucked her, took her virginity and made a mockery of her, as if she was some common whore.

With a sharp inhale, audible gulp, she lied once more. “N-No-no, Guv'na, I didn't feel anything.”

Joan read her like a book, knew she was lying, but why? Why was she doing this to both of them. Hadn't she hurt enough? Was this payback, revenge for her getting stabbed? Joan was furious. Her heart was breaking. Herself, too, always ended with heartbreak. She never had anyone. She moved closer to the deputy, speaking in a hateful, spiteful tone. 

“So, let me get this straight. When you told me you loved me, after I let my guard down and expressed my feelings to you, you just said it to what......because you thought that is what I wanted to hear. You wanted to tell me what I wanted to hear? Was it to hurt me because of my actions at dinner?”

Tears started to swell up in Veras eyes, She looked up into those chocolate hues that were now broken. “No, no...I meant what I said, Guv'na”.

“Stop being so bloody professional with me!” She shouted. “Stop acting as though last night didn't mean anything to you! Bloody hell, You kissed me back, I felt it, Vera. You told me you loved me. Wanted me to stay with you.....”

Vera cringed at the shouting of her governor, slightly frighted, her shoulders tensed up, held tilted to the side as if she was expecting a blow to the face. 

“I-I-I do love you, Joan.” 

“Oh, you do, do ya? You love me, yet you felt, feel nothing?” Joan cocked her head to the side. Vera ould see the pain in her eyes, she wasn't sure what to do. God she wanted to love Joan so bad, and she did, but she didn't want to end up heartbroken again. 

“Joan...It's complicated”

“Doesn't seem complicated to me. Either you have feelings for me or you don't.”

Vera stood there silent, she was shaking, and that didn't go unnoticed from the Governor. Veras hands now placed on hips, one cupping her mouth, trying to contain the emotions that were building up inside of her. She couldn't handle this, rejecting her boss as she herself was rejected. If the Governor really did have feelings, She couldn't imagine how bad this hurt her. 

“I....I....I don't.” She lied once more, to protect herself, afraid that Joan would see it and she would know. Afraid of what will happen next. Afraid if she didn't lie, how she would hurt afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started writing this as on chapter but it turned into two, so keep reading! It gets....well, Just read. :) Comment and kudos


	7. Heated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of last chapter. This was supposed to all be one. LOL. So excuse the grammatical errors. I'm half asleep but eager to get this posted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what you have been waiting for. :D

In a rush of anger, Joan moved quickly towards her deputy. Vera quickly tensed, up, hands covering her to hide her feelings, hiding as she expected a blow in return. Instead Joan grabbed Veras shoulders tightly, nails digging in. She leaned in and kissed Vera, roughly and passionately. Oh god....... Veras heart melted, her thighs slightly shaking at unexpected twitch of her muscles from arousal at the roughness of her boss. The Governor was not gentle, pressing her lips harder against Veras, having the younger woman on her toes.

The kiss broke, Vera backed up, mouth parted, trying to catch her breath. She was melting. 

“Tell me you didn't feel anything!” Joan shot at her, anger in her face but pain in her eyes, begging to be loved.

Vera started to cry, knowing that she did, oh man did she. It made her melt everywhere, her panties damp from the pleasure it had given her. But they would just both end up hurt if it were pursued. 

“No, I, I didn't” She lied again, but this time it was getting harder. Seeing the insisting of the governor, the passion that was inside of her, she could tell that Joan really did love her. This was nothing like it was with Fletch. This was real, and Vera could feel. 

“You're lying.” Joan slightly yelling, pushing the younger woman back, making Veras body thump against the wall hard. Vera stood in shock, lips slightly parted, unsure of what to do, slightly nervous.

“I don't know if you think i'm just going to use you like Fletch did, but I wouldn't. I know I bloody fucked up. But I fucking love you. Or is it because you have Hep C? Do you still hate me for it, to the point where you want nothing to do with me?” 

Vera cut her off.

“No, That isn't it.” 

“Which part!?”

“I don't blame you-” Vera caught off guard once more as Joan pushed what little space there was between her and the wall she just bounced off of, feeling the full pressure of her governor on top pressing up against her now. Joan gripped Veras hands and pinned them above her head, not letting her move. The governor pressed her lips one more to Veras lips, sucking on that bottom lip of hers harshly, kissing her passionately, deeply. Pushing her body against the deputys as she did so.

Vera let out an uncontrollable gasp as she felt her hands being pinned to the wall, and those thin cold lips that she ached for so badly met with hers viciously. This was it, she couldn't say no anymore. Her attempt of trying to protect herself wasn't working. She wanted, and she needed Joan, and the fact that it was reciprocated was a feeling that she couldn't explain. It was a feeling that made her ache and moisten deep within in her, wanting to feel more of this, wanting Joan to just take control of her and show her what she meant to her. 

Their lips locked together, Joans body pressed against Veras harshly against the wall, Veras hands pinned above her head. The Governor wasn't going to take no for an answer, when she already knew what the answer was, it was what they both needed. To be loved by each other. Joan licked Veras bottom lip that made her so week to her knees, pressing her knee in between the brunettes legs, pushing her knee roughly against Veras scorching center. Joan could feel the heat, and it got her off so much. So she pressed her knew up harder, slightly lifting the woman with her knee. Joan was tired of talking, tired of waiting, she was going to show Vera what she meant to her. 

Vera moaned out into Joans lips as her governor simultaneously licked her own aching lips and teasing her hot, now soaking knickers Gently, as her tight uniform skirt was preventing access. Veras skirt was restricting Joans access to feel Veras full center between her legs, so tighten the grip of her writs, holding them both with her large hand, she moved one hand down the deputys body, hiking that tight skirt up, gripping her ass as she did so. This allowed more access, so it didn't take much for the governor to finally press her knee against Veras sodden knickers that covered her aching, throbbing clit. Vera melted into Joan, sinking into her Governors body, giving into her own body who was defying her. As that knew pushed roughly against her pulsing center, Vera Gasped out, moaning into their kiss. 

Joan was gratified that Vera gave up this act, of what ever she was trying to do, and gave into what she really wanted. Waves of arousal pulsed through Joan, as she roughly manhandled Vera, taking complete control over her, breaking down those walls that Vera was trying to put up. She broke the kiss, letting that hand slip from Veras ass, trailing her fingers roughly to cup over Veras soaking Knickers. 

“I'm going to ask you one more time, and this time, I want you to tell me the truth. Do. You. Feel Anything?” Joan demanded, wanting to hear Bennette say it. 

Joan was lost for words, not able to think, her mind clouded with such arousal and desperation of being taken right then, needing to feel Joan all over her, inside of her. 

“Because, it sure as hell feels like you do to me.” She said with a seductive voice.  
Catching her breath, she slightly panted. “I-I-i, do, I DO! OKAY!” She shouted, as she slightly grinded herself felt the hand on her desperate Center slightly rubbing back and forth over her knickers. “I do feel something for you! God do I Joan.” She closed her eyes and bit her lip. “I'm deeply in love with you Joan Ferguson.” She confessed.

Joan pressing harder, against her, still pissed at Vera trying to push her away. “So why the hell did you try and push me away? Why the fuck did you lie to me?” Joans voice demanding, yet you could hear the hint in her voice. 

“Because I didn't want to end up hurt, or you hurt. I didn't want this to end up like it did with Fletch. If that bothered me, and if something were to happen with you,” She tried to catch her breath, that Joan was clearly taking away, breathing fast and heavy, slight panting. “If something were to happen with you, and I let me self open up to you, It would kill me.” 

Joan pushed harder, letting her finger trail the edges of Veras nickers, curving a finger to pull them aside. “You think it wouldn't kill me too?” Joan pushed her head against Veras, “I opened myself up to you too, you know.” She trailed her fingers over the swollen slits of veras dripping center. “And how dare you! I know I have done some cruel things, and i'm trying to fix what I have done. But I would never do to you what he did.” Joan said firmly, as she pushed her finger between those soaking wet slits, finding the hardened nub between them, swollen and aching to be pleasured. Joan teased her for a moment, circling the swollen bud beneath her finger tips before she leaned in and kissed Vera deeply on the lips once more. 

Moving her hand from Veras aching clit, knowing it was torture, in such a good way. She released Veras hands and firmly moved her hands downs Veras thighs, cupping that tight, fine ass hard and lifted her up. Vera answered, wrapping her legs around Joan. 

Still kissing viciously, walked her over to her desk, leaning down and pushing everything aside before she threw Vera on the normally well organized desk. Still between her legs, feeling Vera grip her legs tightly around her waist, Joan moved her body above her frame. Moving one of her hands behind Veras head, while she pulled Veras skirt all the way up with the other, She gripped the brunettes hair and pulled it back, roughly. “Tell me you want me, Vera.” 

Vera gasped in pleasure as her boss threw her on the table, gripping her hair and now demanding her to confess what she already felt. “I want you, You! I need you, Joan Ferguson.” She panted out, body quivering in arousal and anticipation of what was going to happen next. She didn't notice her stockings and soaked panties being thrown off. But she was getting off on this roughness, being controlled. She was getting off on how eager her boss was to take her right here and now.

Joan would play this out as she did in her own fantasies. She was going take her sweet time, loving every bit of her. She kissed up and down Veras legs, moving her head between her legs, gripping Veras hips and pulling them to her waist to the edge of the desk, to Joans eagerly waiting mouth. Without words, she began to kiss around her swollen lips, licking each one, lapping up the juices before she let her tongue slide between the slits, drinking her all in. She ran her tongue up and down Veras wet pussy, and as she did so, Vera gripped gripped Joans shoulders hard, back arching, uncontrollable moans escaping her mouth. "Oh, Joan!" she moaned out. Not thinking about how inexperienced she was, or the fact that she had never been with a woman, she just enjoyed the pleasure her Governor, hers, was giving her. Joan didn't say a word, she seductively grinned before finding that swollen nub with the tip of her tongue and began to devour her new lover, with her mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I continue? :D Comments, kudos are always liked. Let me know what you think.


	8. Property

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just read the damn thing. xD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter until I start feeling a little better.

Confusion ran through Vera's head. What was to come next? What was going on now? She had never felt such pleasure, such love. Yet it was rowdy and passionate, nothing like it was with Fletcher. This was something new. Something she wanted to avoid because she wouldn't be able to say no to. She would be able to deny her Governor, who so badly wanted her. She gripped the older womans shoulders harder, not knowing what to do other then to just let the woman take her, as she felt that warm tongue glide over her, oh so sensitive center. Oh dear god. 

Pleasure pulsed throughout the younger deputy, making her legs quiver and shake, her muscles uncontrollably tremble beneath her. It was to far beyond wondering what her Governor thought about her, to late to protest as she was already being taken in such a damn good way. She felt things she thought she could never feel before. He legs began to tighten, as the dominate older woman used her stronger hands to spread those thin, lean legs apart. 

Joan wasn't going to take no for an answer. She knew Vera wanted her, wanted this, and why the hell she protested was beyond her. Well, not completely. She was unmistakably a monster, someone who Vera enabled to create terrible Havoc, but when it came to Vera, she did no such things. Yes, she manipulated her, but only for her own good. 

As Joan continued to lap the sweet juices of her Deputy, she arched her hand slowly upwards, and slid one finger inside of Vera, slowly. Not wanting to hurt or, nor hear any protests against it. She of course, wouldn't take her against the deputys will, but Joan knew that Vera wanted her, needed to control her and put her in her place. 

The finger went in smoothly, slowly pushing it as deep as she could with her long, strong fingers. Vera moaned out, no words spoken, just the heavy breathing and panting for desire, for more. Joan grinned as she kissed those sexy, tone thighs as she began to thrust her single finger inside of Vera, not wanting to push anymore inside of Vera, fear that it would be too much. Too much for now.

Controlling her deputy got her off in so many ways, she couldn't handle it, but she would control herself for now. She extended her long arm up Veras glistening stomach as it arched up in pleasure, knowing she was doing something right. As those legs began to tremble, Joan could feel the womans insides start to tighten and shaken. She bit her lip in anticipation of feeling Vera cum for her. She lightly bit down on one of Veras thighs, careful not to break the skin as she trusted harder, arching her finger to hit the G spot with every thrust. Veras body was squirming uncontrollably, hitting the verge of her climax as Joan moved her tall frame over Veras body, pushing herself into the smaller womans center as she pounded her with one finger. 

Vera, unable to make eye contact, clawed at Joan, moaning out in pure pleasure, something she had never felt before. It was her pleasure, and her pleasure alone. Vere wasn't the only one getting off on this, Oh Joan did too. More the she led on. As her legs began to shake, she could feel her climax hit and her fluids burst over her governors fingers. Her body shook for a moment as those sexy hands worked their magic.

As Joan was satisfied and knew that Vera had climaxed, very well, she removed her finger, running her hands up those hips that had wiggled so far up the desk. She gripped them hard, pulling her deputy into her. She gently pulled down Veras skirt, not wanting her deputy to feel exposed in anyway. 

Vera lay against the table, beads of sweat glistened over her bare skin, face pink and flushed. She had the 'just fucked senseless' look all over her.  
Joan pulled Vera up to her, legs around her own waist. Vera sat nervously, not sure what to do. She had never pleased a woman before, but she was sure that Joan would want to be next, if only she could make her governor feel the things she just felt. But she wasn't sure where to start, or even how to.

Joan put a single finger to Veras lips. “Shh” She said sweetly. “I know what you are thinking.” She picked the younger woman up off of the desk, and helped her straighten herself up.

“Not now, dear” 

“B-but, Joan” She said with a bewildered look.

“This wasn't about me, Vera. This was about you.”

Vera just looked at her questionably.

“You needed someone to love you, and only you, in that way. Expecting nothing in return.”

“But, I want...” She was cut off with that sexy curved lip of the governor.

Joan just leaned in and whispered.

“Remember who you belong too, Vera.”

This was definitely in regards to Vera trying to back away from something they both knew, and something they both desperately had wanted. Was this some kind of control fuck? Was Joan trying to manipulate her again? If so, then why didn't she want anything back. Or was she not desirable in that kind of way? Due to her problems? Due to her conditions? She felt as though she wanted to cry, but she didn't. She just followed where the hand had pushed her to go.

This was Joans way of letting Vera know that she was her Governors and only hers, even if the deputy hated her, Joan know that Vera loved her, just as her love was the same.

“Come on, Vera. My place, I'll make us some dinner.”

Vera yet nervously walked out of the office, signed out and walked to her car. Joan followed behind her. Vera looked over her shoulder to see her boss closely behind, headed to her own. She couldn't help but to glance over the strut in the woman, the authority in in her walk, the confidence in her face. She looked over to Vera and just nodded. Vera knew what she had to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Or course, this shall be continued. When i'm feeling a little better. So please your Thoughts, comments, kudos. :D
> 
> If my grammar is terrible, it is because I'M feeling TERRIBLE. -coughs-


	9. Remember who you belong to.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just read the bloody thing!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry if there are any grammatical mistakes. I hate making mistakes, but I always seem to post when I don't feel the best. Just got to get the shit out of my head. xD.

On the way home, something wasn't settling right in Joans stomach. She went back to Veras, opened herself up, yet Vera wanted to come in today and just as though it didn't happen. Joan doesn't ever open herself up. Hell, everyone thought she was emotionless. But she wasn't. She just had to meaning feelings. She kept her feelings to herself, for a reason. Was this going to backfire on her?

She shook her head, looking over at her dad, who occupied the passenger seat.

 

“You don't know what you are talking about.” Her voice was firm and reassuring.

 

“Joan, what have I told you? You are letting your emotions take the lead on this.”

 

“This is different, dad. She is different.”

 

“No she isn't. She is making you weak.”

 

“She has always made me weak.”

 

“Weakness leads to mistakes.”

 

“I know what I'm doing!”

 

“Do you?” He turned at looked at her questionably.

 

“Yes! I do.”

 

“You are losing your control, Joan.”

 

“No i'm not! I have control.”

 

“And when she leaves you? Turns on you? Figures out your purpose is much greater then she is?”

 

Joan sat there for a moment, taking it all in.

 

“She is apart of my purpose.”

 

“Are you sure? Because it looked as though she was going to walk out on you today.”

 

“But she didn't.”

 

“That is only because you controlled the situation. How many more times are you going to have to do that? Before she takes control of you?”

 

Joan just scuffed mockingly.

 

“Don't let your emotions get the better of you! I have taught you better than this, child!”

 

“They are not getting the better of me. I know what i'm doing.” She curled her fingers around her steering wheel.

 

She knew she was going against her better judgment but she didn't care.

 

“No matter what I do father, it is never good enough for you. But I promise, I will make you proud”

 

She smirked as she pulled into her driveway.

 

**

 

Vera turned on her car, and followed Ferguson's car out of the prison. Instead of following Joan, she made her way to her own home. She needed to change, get the smell of the prison off of her.

 

Her small feet moved silent against the wooden floor, feet wet. The steam from the show flowed out into the emptiness of her room. She gathered some suitable clothes before dressing herself. 

 

After clothing herself, she made her way into the kitchen, brewing some coffee. Trying to wrap her head around everything that had happened in the last twenty four hours. Making herself a cuppa she went and sat down on the couch. Not turning on the tv, she just sat in silence.

 

Contemplated going over to her Governors, whether or not it would be a good idea after what happened. She stood for a moment, wrapped in her towel, drenched brown curls flowed over her shoulder. She bit her lip thinking of how Joan had manhandled her on the table. She couldn't help but to let small smile form on her lips.

 

All she wanted was to feel Joans lips against hers once more. But after everything that had happened, everything was going way to fast. She couldn't let it get the best of her. She couldn't forget what Joan did to her, what Joan had done.

 

Her phone chimed. A text from Joan.

 

_Are you coming over?_

 

She tapped her foot on the wood floor, knowing she wanted to, but it wasn't right. She was just going to get hurt.

 

So she didn't reply right away.

 

Vera got herself dressed, letting her hair rest from the strictness of her daily bun.

 

_Dinner is getting cold._

 

She got sat on her couch, her breath was quick. Closing her eyes, she kept thinking of what happened earlier, how she was pinned against the wall and ruthlessly fucked on Joans desk. _God._

 

An hour passed and no other messages were sent. Joan must have gotten the hint. Vera felt like Joan would show up at her door any minute, but she didn't. Vera couldn't get Joan out of her mind. The controlling aspect of her, the demanding and the eagerness. She could feel jolt shoot through her.

 

Without thinking, she picked up her phone and wrote back.

 

_I just needed a shower and change. I'll be on my way in a moment._

 

What was she getting herself into? Could this possibly be more then just what it is? Could they actually go somewhere? A relationship. Vera laughed at the humor. _Yeah, okay._

Gathering her keys, and still in her house slippers, she left. Not even thinking what she looked like. Smile on her face. Trying to push out the negative that was creeping into her thoughts. All she could think about how it felt for Joan to hold her to sleep, how her finger felt against her own. How it felt to feel Joans tall body pinning hers against the wall. The seductive tone Joan had, as she threw Vera on her desk. The fact Joan wanted to please Vera without anything in return. Was it because she wasn't wanted?

 

**

 

Joan heard the car pull up outside, she could feel excitement swell up in her. She closed her eyes, trying to keep calm. She almost lost Vera today. She might have lost the battle, but she won't lose the war. She will win Vera.

 

Vera had the upper hand after everything Joan put her though. The many nights Vera stood like a good girl, outside of the door, as Joan caused havoc. After all the secrets Vera held for Joan, complying always without a word. This wasn't just a win, this was her only ally. This was her only friend in a big war that was engulfing her.

 

_Knock knock knock._

 

Joan gracefully made her way to the door, vodka bottle left on a coaster with her pre-chilled glass. She tried to hide her excitement. She opened the door, to see Vera standing there. Hair wet, house slippers on.

 

“Comfortable?” She said with a grin.

 

Vera laughed.

 

“Can I come in, or ..” She pointed back to the car.

 

“No, no. Come in. There is dinner on the stove if you are hungry.” Joan pointed to the kitchen.

 

Trying to piece the past day together, made her stomach turn, knots building up.

 

“No, thank you though.” Vera walked in, seeing Joan had made herself comfortable on the couch. She walked over and sat on the opposite side of the couch, the bottle placing her governors position.

 

“Could I offer you something to drink? The Vodka is already out..” She said with a grin.

 

After everything that has happened between the two, she was going to need something stronger then wine.

 

“Vodka is fine.” She said, taking off her slippers and lining them up perfectly under the table and seated herself. The deputy watched as Joan made her way into the kitchen to fetch another glass. Noticing that she kept the top of her freezer with pre-chilled glasses. She grinned to herself. She couldn't help but to take in how graceful Joan was, with sleep pants and a regular teeshirt. She was quite beautiful. Those uniforms hid well formed curves that she couldn't take her eyes off.

 

“Here you go.” Joan handed her glass, lifting the bottle and pouring a healthy amount into Veras glass.

Joan was already a little tipsy, as she helped herself when she thought Vera wasn't coming over.

 

“Sorry I took so long, I just wanted to change and clean up.”

 

“Oh, it is no problem.” She said waving it off with a hand as she sat down next to her deputy.

 

Vera felt a knot in her stomach, nervousness, arousal and so many other emotions that she couldn't process.

 

“I hope dinner was well.” Vera offered as she took her first shot.

 

“It was okay.”

 

There was an awkward silence between the two.

  
“About earlier,” Vera began but Joan cut her off.

 

“No need to explain, Vera.”

 

“I should.”

 

“It is fine.” Joan really didn't want to go down this road. She poured the two another shot, Joan taking hers immediately

 

“I'm sorry, I tried to push you away.” Vera leaned her head slightly, trying to find Joans eyes.

 

“I understand, Vera.” Joan tried to push the subject aside. “Why wouldn't you, ya?”

 

“There are plenty of reasons why I wouldn't.”

 

“There are plenty of reasons why you would.”

  
Joan took down another shot.

 

“Joan, are you okay?” Vera pulled brushed her hair behind her ear.

 

“I'm fine, Vera.” Joan smiled sweetly.

 

“Um, about what happened between us-” Joan cut her off again.

 

“We don't have to talk about it, Vera.”

 

This was beginning to piss Vera off.  


“Well, we just don't have to talk about anything do we?” Vera spat out.

 

Joan was silent.

 

“One minute, you are a complete bitch. The second, you are this loving person I have never seen before and then you just turn your emotions right back off. If you feel them at all.” Vera was beginning to hate this, hate how Joan pushed herself away. Flushed redness started to form up Veras neck.

 

Joan dropped her mouth slightly In shock.

 

“Shouldn't we talk about it? Or were you just keeping me in line? Hm? Is that what that was? A control fuck? To make sure I didn't go anywhere.”

 

Joan glared at Vera.

 

“Control fuck?” Joan asked out of anger.

 

“Wanted to keep me in check?” Vera tilted her head, feeling ballsy.

 

“I don't have to 'keep you in check', Vera.” She said coldly.

 

“You went on about me feelin' somethin', do you?”

 

Joan took down another shot. Feeling it rush to her head.

 

“Feel what, Vera?”

 

“Feel something for me! You came to me, confessing your love for me, then you take me in your office and now you are cold as ice.” Vera spat out mockingly.

 

Joan was beginning to get really pissed off.

 

“That goes without words.”  
  
“Does it? So why didn't you want me to touch you in the office?”

 

“Because I didn't want to put you in that position.”

 

Vera laughed, anger starting to boil. Talking did nothing good with these too.

 

“Or is it because you didn't feel anything, and you just wanted to manipulate me again?”

 

Vera sat up, knees on the couch. She moved herself over, pushing Joan back against the armrest. Her long body extending half the couch.

 

“I don't want to manipulate you, Vera. Were are you getting these ridiculous thoughts from?!” Joan yelled out as she fell against the couch.

 

“You old yourself at arms length, while you take what you want, Joan.” Vera stated coldly.

 

“I do not.” Joan said, shaking her head.

 

Vera hovered over seductively, leaning in to kiss that long neck that has been captivating her since she arrived.

 

“Vera, what are you doing?” Joan tried to protest.

 

But Vera paid no mind to it, she needed to know. Needed to know if she was getting played or not. She let her small hands run over Joans chest as she kissed and bit on Joans neck. Vera knew that it turned her on, but did Joan get anything out of it? Or was she just playing against the deputys emotions?

 

“Vera,” Joan let out a small protest, closing her eyes for a moment before trying to sit up. Vera moved her hands up to Joans shoulders and pushed down as hard as she could.

 

“Did I say you could move?” Vera demanded.

 

Joan just sat there.

 

Veras hand began to move slowly down Joans torso, letting her finger trail.

 

“I need to know.”

 

“Know what?” Joan questioned.

 

Vera slightly slipped one hand under Joans shirt, to trace against that warm flesh with her nails. She moved her wrist, and traced the hem of Joans pajamas. Joan let out a small growl. Vera wasn't sure if it was in protest or arousal. Veras nails found the hem of Joans knickers, teasingly running her fingers along. Vera was silent, kissing down Joans stomach, before she moved her hand over Joans cotton knickers. Then she could feel the warmth, the moistness of the center of Joans knickers.

 

“I need to know what you want.”

 

“That's silly, Vera.” She said, trying to protest once more, but finding herself not being able to say no.

 

Control. Control.

 

She was losing her control.

 

Vera curved her finger and moved the cotton aside, running her fingers up and down Joans warm, swollen lips. Moist seeping through.

 

“I need to know you want me.” Vera said, biting her lip, looking down. “I need to REALLY know, Joan.”

 

By the feel of it, Joan did want her, and she wanted Vera bad. Vera let one of her long, skinny fingers tease on the outside of Joans slits before pushing one finger in between, wanting to feel the wetness of her boss fully. Joans clit was pulsing, aching. Vera could feel it through her own finger tips as she found it, teasing it.

 

Vera moved herself into the center of Joan, letting her body hover over Joans, propping one of those long, sexy and lean legs up against the couch. Joan was in silent awe, as the deputy took charge.

 

“Now, I know.” She said teasingly, before she began to rub Joans harden clit vigorously.

 

Feeling the way Joans hips move slowly, as she moved her finger in circles, drove Vera insane. She bit her lower lip, moving her small body down Joans, removing her pajamas and plain black knickers.

  
“Vera, You don't ha--” Veras gaze caught her off guard.

 

“Did I tell you, you could speak?”

 

Joan looked back, with her head tilted in surprise. Her lips pursed a little bit, shocked to see this side of Vera, loving it actually.

 

Vera then ran two fingers over Joans wet center, before slowly pushing them inside of her, positioning herself just right. Her body lay in the center of her governor as she pushed her fingers deeper inside. Joans lips parted, her body arched and eyes closed.

 

“Look at me.” Vera demanded seductively as she began to fuck her, ruthlessly. Hearing the pants and moans got the deputy off so much, she loved taking this control, taking control over such a woman. A woman who by definition was control. Vera looked at this beautiful creature below her, a woman with such authority, and now the brunette was taking that control, as she fucked her. Thrust hard and fast, slowing it down to tease, as she began to do it hard and slow.

 

Vera could feel the muscles in Joans body tense, her legs beginning to quiver. Vera ran her left hand up Joans lean stomach, moving under her shirt to her perfectly rounded breast. She slipped her hand under that bra, she had imagined several times before grabbing one of those perky titties and her hand and squeezed it.

 

Joan moaned out, small pants, unable to keep her breath. She moved one hand over Veras as it played with her breasts, her hips bucking, pushing down on to Veras long, thin fingers, wanting to feel them deep inside of her. Her other hand gripped the couch, trying to find her composure. Vera slowed her motion, coming to a halt.

 

“Tell me you want me, Joan.”

  
This was a whole knew Vera, not to mess with.

 

“Tell me you want me to fuck you.”

 

Waiting for a response, Vera ran her wet fingers over the Governors pulsing clit, heat radiating. She could feel it in her hands, the way the womans hips were jerking, her body was moving, she was dying for more.

 

“Tell me.” She demanded.

 

“I want you, Vera.” She whimpered out, catching her breath. “I want you to fuck me.”

 

Pleased that her governor knew how to take an order, she slid her fingers back inside the hot, aching center, Joans body arched once more. “Oh, God” She moaned out as Veras fingers dug into her ruthlessly. Vera leaned in and bit Joans thighs. As her teeth sank into that delicate, heated skin, Joan grabbed Veras hair and pulled it back. A wide grin plastered Veras face, biting her lip at the actions of her new lover.

 

Joans body began to tremble as she came, “Oh, God. Vera.” She moaned out, Veras hair still in her hands. Vera kept thrusting until the womans body shook below her, knowing Joan was erupting inside. She could feel the burst, and her cum on her fingers.

 

“Mm.”

  
Vera finally pulled her fingers out slowly, after twenty minutes of pleasure. She leaned in and kissed Joan, deeply. Needing to feel her lips with her own. Needing to taste her once more. She moved her body over Joans, feeling the heated pelvis below her. Vera bit Joans lip, careful not to break the skin, as she flicked it with her tongue, as the older woman brought her hands up to wrap around the younger ones frame.

 

“My, God, Vera.” Joan said as she tried to catch her breath.

 

Vera leaned in and whispered in her ear.

 

“Remember who you belong to, Joan.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if i'm going to continue, or if i'm just going to leave the story as is for now. Comments?

**Author's Note:**

> Comment your thoughts, yet please be nice. Tell me if you want more. I have another chapter, just not sure if it is good enough to post.  
> To be continued....


End file.
